This summer, I traveled the whole time. I left the week school ended and came back two weeks before school started back up. When I got back I was exhausted, it was my first time on the road for three months.
I jumped right back into the swing of things; I started working and picked up a few extra activities that I wanted to do. The previous year I had focused on saving so much that I never did anything for myself other than the trip I was saving for. I started dating again. I bleached my hair white, exactly how I used to. I bought new clothes. I even hired a personal trainer.
My plan was to save a little and treat myself a bit, it was actually exhausting. I forgot how much monthly bleaching costs. I started seeing someone who had no concept of personal space. I didn’t like the times that my personal trainer was available since it was smack in the middle of the afternoon every day that I didn’t work. Essentially, I was busy every day and squeezed in school around everything else I was doing. As someone who thrives on solitude, I was quickly getting burnt out.
Once winter break rolled around, I was working full time to try and catch up on my savings. All the personal training and social spending was putting me behind my savings goal. Exhausted and cold, I was perpetually tired and visibly drained. I was dreading the upcoming quarter.
I made the decision to tell my work only two or three days a week. I made the decision to grow out my hair to its natural color. I stopped forcing myself to date. I stopped personal training. With all of these new decisions fresh, I started the quarter staying at my best friend’s house for a couple weeks. She is a driven person who was willing to help me get the quarter started off on a good foot, being away from my family was nice too, I’ll admit.
I’m actually the best I’ve been since leaving Maui right now. Upon reflection, I have no idea how I didn’t see that working all the time was making motivation for school so difficult. Now I am getting homework done a lot easier which has made a lot of my stress diminish. I am trying to do well but not letting the need for perfection overtake me, I have never found that balance before.
A year and a half ago I was so low. I confessed to a friend that it was probably the worst year of my life, right up there with when I was in a wheelchair from a horrible horse riding accident. I only compare these situations because my mindsets were equally horrible in both of these times.
My life is getting ready to change again and it is such a relief that I feel mentally stable. It’s funny to me how I tried doing things that people say you should do to feel better, be social! Look your best for confidence! What actually made me feel better was decluttering my life.
Ashley Grace 